Quitting my job at Biolife to work with the disabled was an easy decision for me. Now feeling like I have my life finally in order and moving in the right direction, things once again get stirred up. I was able to attend Camp for two weeks last summer, and little did I know, it would change my life again. God was laying on my heart that there was more for me in my life, and the purpose he has for me. Not really knowing what this all meant, and praying on it the weeks I had between camp, God was pulling me in the direction of full time ministry at Camp Daniel. I thank God that he gives me the power of the Holy Spirit, that pulls on my heart and shouts so loud throughout me, that there is no way of ignoring it! Without this, many doors would close that I never even knew had opened.
Opening my heart and REALLY handing everything over to God has never been easy for me. There is always that one place in my life that I have never really been able to completely hand over, some part of me has always wanted control. Last summer was the first time that I handed it over, even though I felt bitter about it. And once I did, I was able to see the blessings that were right in front of me the whole time. Old doors were closing, but new ones were opening.
After a very scary conversation with Little Tony about what I was feeling, many prayers were said, and things started moving forward to me answering Gods call. As excited and willing as I felt, I could not fight off the feeling of being afraid! Did I really know what it was like to leave everything and step out of the boat? What if I sank? What if my feelings of excitement and my human nature of wanting, was stopping me from hearing what God was telling me? It was then that God put on my heart Matthew 4:18-22 that says
18 As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 19 “Come, follow me,”Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” 20 At once they left their nets and followed him.
21 Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, 22 and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him.
As it was getting closer to my moving date, I started to feel the pain and loneliness that came along with giving up everything. Even though it was all material things, it left me feeling empty. Having to separate myself from my dogs was and is one of the hardest things that I left behind! But I knew that God had so many blessings waiting for me if I would only follow him.
Here at Camp Daniel I have everything I need. I look around me and see all the beauty of everyday things that I have never noticed before. I still have the love of my family and friends, but now I also have the love and support of the tight knit community that Camp has created. I know that I am never alone and no matter what I may be going through, there is always someone here to help lift me up and remind me to keep my focus up above. God knows the desires of my heart, and no situation comes as a surprise to him. I truly believe that as long as I lay it all down to the one who created me, and knows me better than I know myself, that I will be blessed beyond what I could ever imagine!
